It’s been a long time since I’ve had a chance to say thank you. I would like to thank you for hating on me as much as you do. You see, by hating me, you are helping me to the better person you aren’t willing to give me credit for.
Ordinarily I would tell you to drive your car over a cliff, however I see your life is already doomed because you have nothing better to do with yourself than to find reasons to judge my personal success. I’ve extended my hand to help you get a little self esteem and instead of taking my help, you damned it, leaving yourself in the same shit creek you were in when I first met you.
Life is good for me. It’s better now that I am away from you. Yet you are trying your best to make yourself a part of my life.
If it wasn’t for your strong desire to hold me back, I would be a no good loser just like you. I wouldn’t be able to keep a relationship, just like you. I’d probably be sitting in a corner pointing my gossiping finger at everyone who’s so much better than me…just like you.
Alas I have prayed for peace and tranquility. I also purchased a flock of trained circus pigeons to unload steaming bird droppings on your car each time you wash it. I’ve changed my telephone number and placed a herd of wild llamas on my front porch to attack at the smell of your presence.
I have found my place in life. I am happy and rich in more ways than money. And it is all because of you – my inspiration; my muse; my personal crap bag.